Tell me, is that tax-deductible?

Two white Cadillac Escalade limos, as long and cavernous as whales, sit outside the hotel, their engines running.

And running.

Inside their leather-lined bellies Justin Timberlake is getting his sexy back, while multi-colored running lights flash to the beat. I walk by them once, my heckles raised, but I keep quiet. When I walk back towards the lobby the driver/owner makes the mistake of approaching me with a brochure.

Let me ask you a question, I say.

Mr. Limo-man smiles widely, thinking I'm a potential sucker about to succumb to the basic female need to spend exorbitant amounts of money on pimp-my-wedding nuptials. (Do you take this debt to be your lawfully wedded downfall? I do.)

Why do you need to keep them running? You're wasting so much gas.

It's so people can see what they're like inside... You must be extremely Green.

His inflection and slight snarl tells me he did not intend to flatter.

Yup, you got me, I'm one of those. I recycle, I used cloth diapers (in guilt-ridden stints), I walk to work (when it's not raining, snowing, too hot, or too late), and I even keep food scraps in a bin on my counter until it overflows and I am forced to throw it on the mound of rotten gloop we like to call the compost pile. However, I can't claim to be "extremely" anything, and definitely not Extremely Green. I'm more pastel mint. But, forgive me if I have a problem with two cars with engines bigger than a dump truck's idling for hours for the soul purpose of advertisement. A bride-to-be can still be sucked into renting a mobile disco hall whether Justin is humping the sound system or not.

No, I stammer, just conscientious. It just irritates me. I had to say something.

(I wouldn't win any debating awards).

As I drive away in my compact car with the green Vermont license plate (I was in New Jersey) I think of all the things I could have said. So, here's how it should have gone down:

Hey, slick, what's with the TWO carnival cruise boats spouting fumes and attitude? And, oh, thank YOU for your personal contribution to our addiction to foreign fuel. Oh, you're just promoting your business? Ah, polluting the environment is a business expense, then? How exactly do you claim that on your taxes?