Silly Mommy, trips are for kids!

Funny how memory works. We swear we will never take both kids to the grocery store right after school, then we do again... and again. Flying with the children is an absolute No-No until they have full responsibility over their own bodily functions and can run the length of Detroit's Terminal C on their own two legs. But then we book that flight. Road trips and hotels were off the list too, but...

We packed the car and headed for a lovely weekend in Maine. But after we had stopped for the 6th bathroom/poopy diaper break in two hours and the Laughing Game ensued (which would be more aptly called the "Let's See How Many Times We Can Say The Word Poop and Scream With Laughter Game"), I began to realize our mistake. This was no vacation, this was the trip to hell.

What I learned this weekend:

a) You don't need to buy a jungle gym or trampoline when you can just book a hotel room.
b) The number of times a child can ask if she can go swimming increases in direct relation to the lateness of the hour.
c) If there is an alarm clock in your hotel room, it is best to unplug it before bed because it has undoubtedly been messed with by little hands and set to blast you awake at 12:00AM. In the ensuing hitting of said clock you will inadvertently turn the radio on, set to the loudest, heaviest metal available to the listening public.
d) Once you have just drifted off to sleep again, your child will awake just enough to discover "Pappi-dog" has wandered off and alert you at the top of his lungs of this emergency.
e) The air-conditioner will whir loudly back to life the moment you have entered dream-land again.
f) The fact that hotel bed bouncing did not end until after 10PM, 5:30AM is a perfectly acceptable time of day to wake your mother by placing your mouth directly by her ear and announcing you're bored and need to go swimming NOW!
g) No matter how many outfits you pack, they will all get wet, sandy and/or ketchup-stained and you will have to buy something extra.
h) On the journey home you will be so exhausted you won't realize you drove north instead of south until you are arriving in downtown Portland.
i) There is not enough Dunkin' Donuts iced-coffee in the world to make the drive home (which is now an hour longer) go by fast enough.
j) Home and your own bed are the best places on earth.
k) Happy, sand-encrusted, swam-out kids make it all worthwhile... maybe.